??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
