You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
