Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
