My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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