lets start a swedish sibling band together
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
