Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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