apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize