I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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