he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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