The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
