he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize