I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
