Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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