Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
