Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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