Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
