I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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