It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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