Where did you get a picture of my penis
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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