so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
how do flat chested girls get laid?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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