he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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