i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
