You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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