It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
there is puke in my bra ... again
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