Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
