Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
