He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
