Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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