have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
