dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
