I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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