It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
