Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
