id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
