yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
