is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
