Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it glows. i had to have it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
