i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
