My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He felt like a one man threesome
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
