Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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