Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
