My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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