my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
