How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
