Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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