So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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