just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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