We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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