remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
