I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
