Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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