i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dignity is for republicans.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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