He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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