I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
