Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
