we're blogging at a bar
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize