He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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