My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
