dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
