It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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