I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
