Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize