So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
