I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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