hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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