And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
