I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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