i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
