This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
