Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
