Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
