She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
