Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I want her autograph on my taint
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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