Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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