I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
