just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
