I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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