ugly people sure do ruin things
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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