I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize