i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
