So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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