you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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