if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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