I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
