I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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