I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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