He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
