hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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