Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
