Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
