AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She's the barista slut.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
