her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize