thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
