Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
