You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize
